Crews Letter #2006 13    No Fault

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Why do people insist on calling well-rehearsed and fully expected events accidents?

“It is not my fault.  It just happened.”

 

 

 

Good Morning Crew:

 

From a small book that is distributed by the Corfu Travel industry: Kerkyra.  It is published in three languages: British, German and Italian.  At least that is my guess based on the flag associated with each column.

Driving on Corfu:

The general rules for most part of drivers are don’t give any way to anything, don’t overtake unless it’s a blind bend, and don’t any notice of road signs.  The conditions of the road network are not good.  So be careful if you think of driving a car, motorbike or scooter.  Please drive carefully and slowly.  Roads are narrow and deteriorate quickly over the summer.  Hoot on corners.  Greece has one of the highest accident rates in Europe.  You are here on holidays, not to visit the local hospital.

 

 

Travelling around the Internet is a similar piece explaining driving in Dallas.  There is no flag.  So, best guess: the language is Texish.

Driving in Dallas

First you must learn to pronounce the city name. It is DAL-LUS, or DAA-LIS depending on if you live inside or outside LBJ Freeway.  If you are European, Dallas is in TEX-uhs, not TEX–ASS.

 

Next, if your Maspco is more than a few weeks old, throw it out and buy a new one.

If in Denton County and your Mapsco is one day old, then it is already obsolete.

 

Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Dallas has its own version of traffic rules...

"Hold on and pray".

 

There is no such thing as a dangerous high-speed chase in Dallas. We all drive like that.

 

All directions start with, "Get on Beltline"... which has no beginning and no end. (It REALLY DOESN'T!!!)

 

The morning rush hour is from 6 to 10. The evening rush hour is from 3 to 7. Friday's rush hour starts Thursday morning.

 

If you actually stop at a yellow light, look-out!!!

 

When you are the first one on the starting line, count to five when the light turns green before going, to avoid crashing with all the drivers running the red light in cross-traffic.

 

Construction on Central Expressway is a way of life and a permanent form of entertainment.

In fact, we had sooo much fun with that, we have added George Bush Freeway and the High Five to the mix.

 

All unexplained sights are explained by the phrase, "Oh, we're in Fort Worth!"

 

If someone actually has his or her turn signal on, it is probably a factory defect. Car horns are actually "Road Rage" indicators.

 

All old ladies with blue hair in Luxury Sedans of any age, have the right of way. PERIOD!

 

Inwood Road, Plano Road, NW Highway, East Grand, Garland Road, Marsh Lane, Josey Lane, 15th Street, Preston Road... all mysteriously change names as you cross intersections (these are only a FEW examples).

The perfect example is what is MOSTLY known as Plano Road. On the south end it is known as Lake Highlands Drive, cross Northwest Highway and it becomes Plano Road, go about 8 miles and it is briefly Greenville Ave, Ave K, and Highway 5. It ends somewhere in Sherman.

 

The North Dallas Tollway is our daily version of NASCAR. It also ends somewhere in Sherman.

 

LBJ is called "The Death Trap" for two reasons: "death" and "trap."

 

If asking directions in Irving or SE Dallas, you must have knowledge of Spanish.

 

If in central Richardson or on Harry Hines, Mandarin Chinese will be your best bet.

 

A trip across town (east to west) will take a minimum of four hours, although many north/south freeways have unposted minimum speeds of 75.

 

The minimum acceptable speed on the Dallas North Toll Road is 85. Anything less is considered downright sissy.

 

It is possible to be driving WEST in the NORTH-bound lane of EAST NORTHWEST Highway. Don't let this confuse you.

 

If it's 100 degrees, Thanksgiving must be next weekend. If it's 10 degrees and sleeting/snowing, the Fort Worth Stock Show is going on. If it's rained 6 inches in the last hour, (and it's Spring) the Byron Nelson Golf Classic is in the second round  - ( if it's Fall) It must be the Texas State Fair.

 

If you go to the Fair, pay the $10.00 to park INSIDE Fair Park. Parking elsewhere could cost up to $2500 for damages, towing fees, parking tickets, etc. If some guy with a flag tries to get you to park in his yard, run over him. This is Dallas so ANY amusement parks, stadiums, arenas, race tracks, airports, etc. are conveniently located as far away from EVERYTHING as possible so as to allow for the above example parking on grassy areas.

 

The Final Warning: Don't Mess With Texas Drivers

 

This season just passed, a Turk explained the rules for driving in Turkey, “There are no rules!”

 

The long and the short is the history books will call these times The Age of Irresponsibility – a time when there was a scientific, physiological, psychological, or pathological excuse for everything that went wrong.  It is not my fault!  Psychobabble doth prevail.

 

Prepare to Jibe,

Fred and Phyl

 

 

 

 

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