Good Morning Ladies and Gentlemen:
The story you are
about to read is true. Some of the names
have been changed to protect… You know
the drill. None of us are innocent.
The original premise was that AANTBN, an American airline
not to be named, flew JFK à
At the Dallas AANTBN counter, Leo the Drool, the softest,
slowest, least animated ticket and check-in processor imaginable explained that
he could only book us to
Leo the Drool was able to charge us for our excess baggage
and assured us that we had paid for it all the way to
Yes, we did take back a bit more than the normal passengers on two week holiday. What kind of stuff? Gatorade mix for 60 gallons of Gatorade. A case of lemonade mix. 2 cases of cheese and crackers, 72 packages total. 60 packets of hot cocoa mix. 20 feet of 1 ½ inch (38mm) impermeable tubing for the head solid waste exhaust. A garden hose on its own roller. 3 cabin fans. A Defender and 2 West Marine catalogs. A box of Clorox. Vitamins and prescription drugs for 6 months. ½ dozen paperback novels, 4 engine manuals, and a Turkish Dictionary. A complete Iliad, some Jimmy Buffet, Asterix and Dr Seuss. Charts for the Turkish coast. 6 pounds of peanuts. Rib rub, baking powder, and Ranch Dressing mix. 2 computers with miscellaneous connecting wires, zip disks and CDs. Liquid bath soap. Lotions. Spice rack. Cup holders. Cuzzies. Folding dish rack. Trash bag holder. Spare oil (4) and fuel (2) filters. Mast and boom hardware. A complete Dremel. 2 thermo rest mattresses. A set of king size sheets. Dallas & Texas souvenir t-shirts
Yes, we had excess baggage: 297 pounds in 5 large duffle
bags and one shipping box from
If you want to get the attention of any airport customs officer, pack some of your stuff in a box. If you want to get the attention of a French airport customs officer, use one that came from a French moving company and has lots of French printed on it.
The officer notices our collection of luggage as we push
towards the “Nothing to Declare” door.
He asks to see our passports. We
hand them over, never considering trying to make a dash for the door. We explain that we are on the way to our boat
in
“Hose for the toilettes’ exhaust, … fans for the cabins, … a blocker for a halyard, …”
“You are the skipper?”
“Yes.”
“Hose for the toilette?”
“Yes, both of them.”
“You may go.”
The trip to TC#2 was uneventful. The weather in
Thank you, Gail
Widget. The only way to fly across the
We were the last to board and this plane pushed off on-time.
Day
2 – The plane arrived at Charles de Gaulle 30 minutes late. It is interesting that when the wheels touch
the runway, the flight personnel announce that we have arrived. The plane
drives around the airport for awhile and stops out in a field. The bus comes to pick us up and drives around
the field some more. The bus lets us off at the terminal. This is where we made a mistake. We didn’t take the bus. A man came on board on the starboard side of
the airplane and said, “Everyone going to
Fortunately, we dealt with a woman who was not yet
reflecting the disgruntled nature of these customers. We already knew that the only FANTBN flight
to
On a whim, we asked if any other airline flies to
It is back out the backdoor and back around the field by bus to another terminal to collect our luggage. Immigration, passport control, was not a problem. Some bath soap was leaking from one duffle bag. All 6 had made it. We were happy. Customs were cleared and we moved in at the Ibis Hotel. On and off an airport shuttle with this much luggage - we filled the center rack – was a workout. Getting it in and out of a hotel room was no small task either. A quiet day and night was helpful in overtaking jet lag.
The duffle bag that was leaking soap had to be opened, rinsed out and reassembled. It had been sealed by HLS, Home Land Security.
An interesting Catch 22: You cannot take sharp objects on the plane. If HLS opens your bag to inspect the contents, they seal it with a wire tie that can only be opened with a sharp object.
This duffle bag was a lethal collection of stuff. The Gatorade mix is packaged in aluminum foil / plastic pouches. There are 12 pouches in a plastic bag. One of these was in this duffle bag. A portable computer and 48 zip disks was in this duffle bag. The 3 bottles of bath soap shrink-wrapped together as they come from the manufacturer were in this duffle bag. The remaining space was padded out with miscellaneous lady’s undergarments, a camera bag with camera and miscellaneous computer wires, an engine operations manual and a file folder of paperwork. One can only guess the excitement of the underpaid, under trained, junior minions of HLS when he saw this stuff on the x-ray screen. We are lucky they didn’t blow it up. Instead, they opened the duffle bag. It was not latched, only zipped shut. They cut the shrink wrap that held the soap lids secure. “Oh, this is soap!” They cut small slits in the bag and pouches of Gatorade. Destroying two was enough. “Oh, this is Gatorade!” Put all the stuff back in the bag with their “We inspected your luggage form” and sealed the zipper with a plastic wire tie.
Perception’s engine manual will smell of lilac and citrus for years to come. Soap and sugar make a strange sticky.
Day
3 – We were back at Terminal 2B by 0705. At the FANTBN counter the man called the
AANTBN desk and was told that we could not get tickets. Phyl sat with the luggage and Fred walked to
the AANTBN counter in Terminal 2C. The
first explanation was that only the agent in
We suspect that Leo knew exactly what he was doing: drool, yes; stupid or careless, no.
The French agent was also encouraging. There are several seats available on the flight today. It is overbooked for tomorrow.
Fred rejoins Phyl in Terminal B and we check-in for the
flight. By 1005 they have us all on the
plane. Two Gendarmes with big guns come
onboard and escort one man in cuffs off the plane. This leaves two or three seats vacant. At 1050 the plane is pushed back and we are
on to
The connections at
We are home.
PS: The ladder leaned up against the stern of the boat slipped Sunday afternoon. Fred rode it down. It was about a 2 meter ( 6.5 foot ) fall. He sprained both ankles and broke both ends of his left forearm. The ankles are self curing. The arm is in a cast. We will be waiting in Marmaris for another doctor’s release. Estimated time, 4 weeks.
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